So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The air was thick with penises
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
