I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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