East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
