I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
