Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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