worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
