I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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