I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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