my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
