I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
