Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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