The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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