my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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