Porn is love you can see.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
