he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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