Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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