He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
