God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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