I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize