i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
