there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
