I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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