A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
