yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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