Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
