6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
