What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My vagina is officially offended.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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