Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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