when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
