oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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