Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
