You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
