I hope mine doesn't look like that
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
