You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
