i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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