But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
