Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
