he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
