Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
