found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
