my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
smell my finger.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
