awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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