he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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