omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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