I must be too annoying 4 u.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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