I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
