Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
