Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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