Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
