We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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