he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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