I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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