I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
