Kiss
Puke
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
