i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
