what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
