We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
