Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
