he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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