I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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