I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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