It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize