Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
