I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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