My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
