So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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