Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
A+ Viking dick
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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