he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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