i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
