Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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