sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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