UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
