is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
