In America we eat man semen.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
