i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize