You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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