I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
