I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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