I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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