Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
