no, he came in my armpit
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
