Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
