there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I could make wine with my vomit
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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