: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize