Nicole vs. Life
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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