I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize