You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
