Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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