They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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