Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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