seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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